We invited a member of our wider community to participate in an in-person group dialogue about allegations against MAPLE posted online. She emailed us a more detailed response after that discussion, and we asked her if we could share it, and she agreed:
I was attempting to articulate my thoughts about the topic of ‘shame’ to Soryu at the end. In my experience, I think the younger generation has moved towards being more sensitive in general. This can have benefits, but it also has downsides. I have experienced this as a parent, but I can also apply this and see it in the potential dynamics at MAPLE. If someone is corrected, or a failure pointed out, it is not seen as an opportunity to correct a problem and make an improvement, it is seen as shaming. The words we choose can completely alter the way we process an experience. I told Soryu that a common phrase I have heard from my teens and young adults, that they say with little thought, (it’s more like a reflex statement) because they have heard it uttered by peers so many times, is “Don’t Judge”. They tell me this, to block out my effort at parenting. It also translates to, “Don’t tell me what you think”, or “Don’t use your brain to make sense of anything”.
The only other question I came with, that I didn’t ask, was answered while I listened. It had to do with using a restorative justice approach, even though there hasn’t been any actual crime committed. The way the critics portray it, like spiritual rape, is suggestive of a crime. Mediation would be the proper avenue, not publicly accusing. So, it was interesting to learn that an offer for mediation was made, but the disgruntled parties would not agree to participating unless they could record.
This does not show a seeking for reconciliation. It shows a seeking for revenge. I think they may not cease until they decide they have sufficiently made the lives of others miserable enough.
They are not moving in a personal repair style, it is an activist mode. (This activist mind is interesting to me. I think activism has its place, but some people become obsessively attached to this way. I think it attracts people with trauma and it provides them an outlet to funnel their hyper vigilance that makes them feel better than quietly sitting with suppressed rage). They are out for protecting all people from potential harm from MAPLE. They are even seeking to sway people away from MAPLE that can greatly benefit as a result of how they are conducting their campaign.
This is such an unhealthy way to be. They really are seeking some control over the organization, showing they are attached emotionally, and in an unhealthy way. I think that the best way to weather this, is to provide them a simple response and to disengage. Also, to let them know that you will no longer engage. Some people do not quit arguing because they aren’t seeking to repair or reconcile.
They seek control. They seek to control how MAPLE is run. They seek what JS says over and over…..systems change. They want to change the MAPLE system. Some people reach this point and they make a different, healthy decision. That is, that they create their vision of how the system should be. That requires discipline, bravery, and dedication. This is a better use of energy than activist mode.
I once heard a story from an elder at the commune where I lived. He spoke about a fissure in the group. He called the two factions the Feelers and the Doers. The Doers ended up leaving the ranch because the Feelers couldn’t do much more than sit around and keep recycling their feelings. It amounted to a big drain, a drain like a black hole you get sucked into and can’t escape. This is a simple story, but it might be a helpful lens.
This is a bit of my view as an outsider. You may share that with everyone if it is helpful.
Nicole